Monday, November 22, 2010

Apologies to my Characters

Because they have to put up with a lot from me...

Dear Ember,
I'm sorry for writing you out of the story. Trust me, you're not dead or anything, I just couldn't deal with your intense depression right then (or now). You'll be back in a future draft, but for now, you'll just have to stay with the Asian ninja woman who abducted you. Let this serve as a warning to you. Get your attitude issues under control.

Dear Flynn,
I'm sorry for writing your best friend out of the story. I only realized after I did that how lonely you were going to be. Also, I'm sorry for the fact that you and Arrow can't seem to get along, despite the fact that you both like each other. I'm pretty sure you've hit the bottom now, so things should be looking up for you two. I'm sorry that whenever someone needs to be injured, you are the one that takes the fall for it. I'm sorry for branding your wrist, breaking your ribs, and torturing you last book. And in this book, I'm sorry for breaking your foot, giving you a limp, and letting Svein break your hand and give you a black eye. If it's any consolation, he didn't mean anything by it.

Dear Arrow,
I'm really sorry I had Svien fall in love with you. I know he's kind of (ok, alot) creepy, but he doesn't know any better. Things are about to get much worse, as far as he goes, so sorry in advance. Also, sorry for making Flynn clueless. And I'm sorry I made you say those mean things about him. I didn't realize you were going to do that. I promise things get better. Oh, and sorry for killing your best friend. It hasn't happened, yet, but it will, so be prepared.

Dear Kaeth,
Sorry for killing Charis. Though, actually, you should be thanking me. When I realized how upset you were going to be, I decided that he didn't need to die after all. You'll see him again soon, so stop complaining.

Dear Charis,
Sorry for trapping you inside your own mind. But hey, it's better than being dead, right? Oh, and you lose all your powers. Sorry about that, too. Sorry for making your twin sister, Bruna, insane. I know it must be hard to watch, but trust me, she redeems herself in the end.

Dear Bruna,
Sorry for driving you insane. Your brother needed to be abducted for plot reasons, so I didn't really have a choice. You should be happy, though, considering you saved his life. Killing innocent people (or guilty people) won't help, though. And Charis isn't going to be very happy with you, when he wakes up.

Dear Village People,
Sorry. You were written into the story for the express purpose of dying.

Dear Jenna,
(see: Village People)

Dear Svien (or Svein),
Sorry I can't remember, or decide, how to spell your name, and sorry it's such a lame name, too, since you're a great character. I just typed random letters that sort of made a name. Sorry for making your life so awful. Sorry for giving you panic attacks. Sorry for making you, essentially, a sociopath. I wish I could say things got better, but I think you're at the high point in your story right now. Sorry for giving you super awesome powers, but making you too scared to use them most of the time.

Dear Delfi,
Wait, what am I apologizing to you for? I rescued you from twenty-one years of imprisonment! I owe you no apologies, at all. (Unless you want me to apologize for putting you in the tower in the first place. Which, I suppose, is valid.)

1 comment:

  1. Oh my word, you are hilarious! Oh, and please never write me into any of your books! You are ruthless!